


One out of Two

by GinevraJ



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, SO, Years of Pining, a little angst i guess, mainly jicheol, side verkwan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:49:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28300413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinevraJ/pseuds/GinevraJ
Summary: Jihoon and Seungcheol met when they were kids and spent their entire lives asking themselves if they'd made the right decision.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 53





	One out of Two

**Author's Note:**

  * For [miharuchii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miharuchii/gifts).



> Merry Christmas! This is my secret santa gift for Miharu! I really hope you liked it, I tried to include a lot of things you liked, so I hope you enjoy this friends-to-enemies-to-friends-to-lovers. it will make sense when you read it :) Hope you like it and let me know what you think! To everyone else reading I hope you like this too because miharu has gooood taste in tropes :)))  
> enjoy!

Jihoon looked out the window and frowned, he wanted to go out that day, but Seungkwan seemed to have other plans, he was playing outside with the new kid. For a six-year-old, seeing your only friend play with someone else was the end of the world. So Jihoon decided to stomp back into his room and close the door behind him. He couldn’t watch TV because it was a Sunday, and his mom always said he had to go out on Sundays, even though Jihoon really wanted to just stay home. It wasn’t until half an hour later that he heard his mom open the door to his room. 

“Seungkwan is outside, aren’t you gonna go play with him?” 

“No, he has a new friend.” 

“He just came by to ask for you, they’re waiting outside.” 

“I’m not going out.” 

“Jihoon, making friends is good, I’m sure if Seungkwan likes him, you’ll like him too.” he had his arms crossed and he looked up at his mom, he knew he wanted to go out, he was stubborn. “You can’t be home today, you have class tomorrow, do you really want to be locked up in your room while your friends play outside?” Jihoon sighed and walked out of his room to go outside. 

He was surprised to see Seungkwan and the new kid sitting outside on the porch.

“Jihoon! I thought you wouldn’t come out today!” Seungkwan explained when he saw him. 

“I’m tired.” 

“Oh, ok. This is Hansol, he lives down the street, he just got here from America!” Seungkwan exclaimed as if it was the coolest thing ever. 

“Hi,” Hansol said with a smile. 

Even though Hansol was born in America he knew how to speak Korean, so it was easy for Jihoon to become friends with him. But he’d noticed him and Seungkwan were becoming closer, it was probably because they were both the same age and didn’t go to school yet. Jihoon was just two months older than Seungkwan, which meant he was born a year before them. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if Jihoon didn’t have to spend his mornings locked up in a room full of screaming children while Hansol and Seungkwan got to play all day. 

He liked going to school, he would like it more if his best friend was there too. They spent the day painting or playing, learning how to read and very unfortunately, maths. He was excited for the beginning of the year since it was his first year in school, but as days went by he couldn’t help but hate it. He didn’t know how to tell his mom that he didn’t have a lot of friends. He had friends, but not like Seungkwan and Hansol, he wanted to stay home with them. 

His classmates were eager when the teacher said a new kid would come in, Jihoon didn’t really care, he knew the new kid would become friends with the other kids faster than Jihoon ever could. So he stared out the window as the new kid introduced himself, Seungcheol, Jihoon remembered. He sat in the front row next to a few kids that wouldn’t stop asking him questions. 

Jihoon was relieved when, a few hours later, he could go home. His mom was working that day, so Hansol’s mom was going to pick him up, he loved when that happened, she would always take them to eat outside. He smiled brightly when he saw her car parked outside but he frowned confused when he saw her get out of the car, by that point the teachers knew the car and they always let him run up to it and get in. But this time Hansol’s mom walked up to him, he could see Hansol and Seungkwan playing in the backseat. 

“Hi Jihoon,” she greeted him with a warm smile. 

“Come, I need to speak to your teachers.” 

“Something wrong?” he asked as he grabbed her hand. 

“No, nothing.” Jihoon looked up at his teacher when he smiled at Hansol’s mom. 

His parents worked a lot and usually Seungkwan’s mom would come and get him, but she was busy too and now that Hansol’s family was close to his, it was his mom who would always come and pick him up. 

“Taking more kids?” Mr Kim said with a smile. 

“Yes, next time I’ll come driving a bus,” she replied. 

“His mom already called us, tell her it went great, you made a lot of friends, right?” Jihoon followed his teacher’s eyes, which landed on Seungcheol, standing next to his teacher. 

“Yes!” 

“That’s great, let’s go.” Hansol’s mom said with a warm smile, Jihoon was too confused.

“Bye Jihoon, see you tomorrow.” his teacher said as they walked to the car. 

Jihoon sat on the backseat next to Hansol and Seungkwan and Seungcheol sat next to Hansol’s mom in the front seat. 

“Guys, this is Seungcheol.” she said as he started the car. “His family just moved in a few houses down and his mom asked me to take care of him for today.” 

Seungkwan and Hansol seemed excited about their new friend, Jihoon was still trying to process everything. Seungcheol was all smiles, just like with his classmates, he got along with Seungkwan and Hansol just fine. Which made Jihoon feel left out, just like he did when Hansol started to play with him and Seungkwan. 

Seungcheol sat down next to Jihoon once Seungkwan and Hansol went outside. Jihoon was drawing calmly as he looked outside, Seungkwan and Hansol were just talking as they played in the swings. 

“You’re here because there’s just two, right?” Jihoon asked with a smile and pointed at the swings, Seungcheol raised his head and looked at him, he was in the middle of picking out colors to use. 

“Yes.” he answered truthfully. “People come in twos.” he explained and grabbed the pen that was in Jihoon’s hand, which was light blue. He placed it next to the dark blue, he proceeded to do the same with the green and the dark green. 

Jihoon looked at the row of colors and laughed. 

“So you’re my two?” 

“Yes.” Seungcheol told him with a smile and grabbed the dark blue to help him paint. 

It’s safe to say Jihoon liked that idea, he spent more time with Seungcheol, even at school, which was odd for all of his classmates. But Jihoon preferred to not think about class, he just wanted to get home and spend his time with his friends. Seungcheol and him were attached at the hip, not only did they spend their time together at school, they also spent their time together in their free time. Which was a relief for Jihoon, since it was the same for Hansol and Seungkwan. 

Jihoon would get upset if he didn’t go to Hansol’s house to play with them, but he also liked to spend time with his mom. She was always working so she wanted to spend time with him when she got free time. It was when summer rolled in that Jihoon actually started to spend all of his time with his friends, with no school he had all the time in the world to spend at Hansol’s house with his three best friends. 

They would play hide and seek in pairs, which was fun since Jihoon hated hiding alone and Hansol’s house was big enough. Seungcheol and him sat in silence in the bathtub with the curtains drawn, not one of their best hiding places, but they hadn’t been found yet. 

“It’s so hot in here.” Jihoon mumbled. 

“Do you want to turn on the water?” Seungcheol asked, looking at him with a grin on his face. 

“Very funny.” they both shut their mouths and stopped giggling when they heard footsteps. 

There was a knock on the door but they didn’t answer, it opened but they couldn’t see who it was because of the curtain. 

“Who left the light on?” they heard Hansol’s mom sigh and then leave after she turned off the light. 

Jihoon almost got up but Seungcheol grabbed his arm and made him sit back down. 

“They won’t find us now, it’s better like that.” 

“But it’s so dark.” 

“It’s fine.” Seungcheol shrugged and then looked at Jihoon, who placed his hands on his knees and looked down. “Are you scared of the dark?” Seungcheol whispered. 

“You’re not?” Jihoon asked, as if it was obvious. 

“Not really…” Jihoon looked over at Seungcheol as if he’d grown a second head. “Let’s just sit down, okay?” 

“I wanna leave.” 

“Come on, don’t you want to win? If they don’t find us we can have their snacks.” Jihoon sighed and rolled his eyes, giving in.

Jihoon started looking around, trying to adjust his eyes to the dark, there wasn’t much to see but his imagination wouldn’t leave him alone, especially because for some reason, he always hated the bathroom. Jihoon was still looking around, even though his eyes got used to the dark, he was still hesitant about being there. 

“It’s fine, there’s nothing here.” 

“I hate dark places, my dad’s house is always dark, he says it’s useless to have a light on when you sleep because you don’t notice, so he makes me sleep with all my lights off. But I’m always too scared so I take longer to fall asleep.”

“Your dad’s house?” 

“Yes, I have to go there a few days sometimes. My mom and my dad are not together.” Jihoon mumbled, he got weird stares the last time he said that at school, so he didn’t know how Seungcheol would react. 

“Sometimes I wish mine weren’t, they fight a lot.” 

“Mine too, when they see each other. I don’t see Seungkwan and Hansol’s parents fight, so I like being in their house.” 

“Me too.” Jihoon looked to the side, alarmed because he thought he saw a shadow, Seungcheol grabbed Jihoon’s hand and squeezed it so he would keep calm. 

“Why aren’t you afraid of the dark? Everybody is afraid of the dark.” 

“My mom isn’t.” 

“Adults don’t count.” 

“I used to be, but every time the lights are on I always sleep on my own, and if they’re off my mom comes to sleep with me. So I like it.” Jihoon looked at him and frowned. 

“That’s so weird.” he mumbled, confused, Seungcheol only shrugged. 

Seungcheol was still gripping Jihoon’s hand, the only thing they could hear was their breathing and the faint sounds of people talking in the living room. 

“Do you think your parents love each other?” Jihoon asked suddenly. 

“No.” Seungcheol answered without hesitation. “I love my mom. My dad doesn’t love my mom. And I hate my dad, and I know my mom also hates my dad.” 

“Hating is… Too much. I know I like my mom better than my dad but I don’t think I hate him…” Jihoon mumbled confused. 

Seungcheol didn’t answer and they both stayed quiet for a while, ten minutes later they started to hear Seungkwan screaming in the living room. 

“What is he saying?” Jihoon whispered since he couldn’t hear him well, Seungcheol moved his head and tried to listen in. 

“We won, he doesn’t want to look for us anymore.” Seungcheol said with a smile as he grabbed his hand and helped him up. 

They both jumped out of the bathtub and walked into the living room, where Seungkwan and Hansol were waiting. 

“Where were you?” Hansol asked, surprised when he saw them. 

“If we tell you it won’t be fun.” Seungcheol answered with a smile, Seungkwan opened his mouth to protest but was interrupted by Hansol’s mom. 

“Kids!” they all went into the kitchen, where she’d made them snacks so they could eat something before dinner. 

Jihoon raised his head after eating when he heard the front door open, Seungcheol did the same, only a bit faster than Jihoon. They both watched Hansol’s dad come into the kitchen, greeting them, he’d just come back from work. He placed a kiss on Hansol’s head and ruffled Seungcheol’s hair as he greeted everyone. Jihoon went back to looking at his food while he greeted Sofia, Hansol’s sister, who was sitting in her stool as she drank from her baby bottle. He only raised his head again when he heard him kiss Hansol’s mom. 

“How was your day?” she asked with a smile. 

Seungcheol was next to him, also looking at them, Hansol and Seungkwan were still messing around with the food and laughing. Jihoon frowned when he saw them kiss again, Seungcheol rested his cheek on the palm of his hand as he looked at them. The couple, completely oblivious to the two kids looking at them, probably thought that the noise meant they were all playing around and not just Hansol and Seungkwan. 

Jihoon scowled even harder when he saw them kiss again while they talked, this time with tongue, he made a disgusted face and looked over at Seungcheol, who had the exact same expression as him. Seungcheol moved his eyes over to Jihoon and stuck his tongue out, mocking them. Jihoon giggled and did the same. They looked back at them, they weren’t kissing anymore, they were just talking. Somehow, he found it entertaining to look at them talk, apparently Seungcheol too because they forgot about their extra snacks as Hansol and Seungkwan continued to eat. It wasn’t until the dad left the kitchen that both Jihoon and Seungcheol realised Hansol and Seungkwan had left. They ran outside to complain but they told them that it was too late and that they just had to win another game. 

It wasn’t until it was dark outside that they finally realized they had to go home already. Jihoon sighed when he saw that his mom’s car was pulling up in front of his house, he could see it from Hansol’s room window. He honestly didn’t want to leave, he was having a good time, but he also knew they would meet again the next day. They all walked to their house since it was literally right next to Hansol’s so it was okay. 

“Aren’t you coming?” Jihoon said, looking back at Seungcheol, who was still sitting in the couch next to Hansol. 

“No, I’m staying.” Seungkwan frowned when he heard that. 

“What? He’s staying?” 

“Yes, his mom called so Seungcheol’s going to stay for the night too.” Hansol’s mom explained with a smile when she heard them. 

“Whaat? A slumber party? I want to stay too.” Seungkwan complained, Jihoon didn’t want to complain too much but he also wanted to stay. So he said ‘yes’ when she asked him if he wanted to stay for the night. 

After a couple of phone calls they were all back in Hansol’s room, all of them too excited about staying the night out of their house. Even though they planned to stay awake the whole night it wasn’t that late before Hansol and Seungkwan were fast asleep. Jihoon looked over at Seungcheol, who apparently was asleep too. Hansol’s mom had come in an hour ago to tell them to go to sleep and not make any noise because Sofia was sleeping. Either way Jihoon just couldn’t fall asleep, it was probably because it was too dark or because he had to go to the bathroom. 

“Seungcheol,” he whispered, trying to wake him up, but he didn’t move. “Seungcheol wake up,” he sighed and got up, seeing as Seungcheol wasn’t going to wake up that easily. 

It took him a couple of minutes to muster up the courage to just get up and go to the bathroom. Thankfully he didn’t have to go to the upstairs bathroom because there was one on the first floor. Once he got out and walked calmly to the bedroom he started to feel the fear creep up and he touched the wall as he walked. He almost screamed when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but Seungcheol covered his mouth before he could make any noise. 

“I thought you were asleep.” Jihoon whispered. 

“I was, but I woke up and you were gone.” 

“Bathroom.” Jihoon replied as if it was obvious. 

“I thought you were scared of the dark.” Seungcheol asked with a smile. 

“I am, now let’s go back to sleep.” 

They both looked up when they heard steps coming down the stairs, Seungcheol grabbed Jihoon’s hand and made him crawl quickly into the space that was under the stairs before he closed the door. 

“It’s Hansol’s mom.” Jihoon told him. 

“She told us to stay in the room, I don’t want to get in trouble.” Seungcheol whispered, and made a gesture so he wouldn’t speak. 

It was completely dark so Jihoon leaned into Seungcheol and grabbed his hand. They heard voices in the living room. 

“She’s not alone.” 

“It’s Hansol’s dad.” Seungcheol whispered, they both looked at each other and then laughed, trying to keep it down. 

“They kiss a lot.” 

“That means they love each other.” Seungcheol mumbled. 

“Do your parents kiss?” 

“No.” Seungcheol answered as if it was obvious. 

“So they don’t love each other?” 

“No.” he repeated. 

“But how do you know that?” 

“They don’t kiss.” 

“Well, I don’t kiss you but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you.” Jihoon said, Seungcheol looked at him confused. 

“It’s not the same.” 

“Why?” Seungcheol thought about it but couldn’t find an answer. “I like Seungkwan and I like Hansol, but I don’t like you like I like them.” 

Seungcheol was still grabbing his hand and he started to play with his fingers, Jihoon looked at their hands. 

“What’s the difference?” Seungcheol mumbled, also looking at their hands, Jihoon moved his hand and intertwined their pinkies. 

“People come in twos.” Jihoon whispered.

Seungcheol looked at Jihoon with a smile on his face, before he could think about it twice he moved forward and placed a kiss on Jihoon’s lips, who gasped surprised. 

“I wouldn’t do that to Hansol.” 

“So that’s the difference.” Jihoon whispered while grinning, Seungcheol nodded with a smile on his face. 

“They’re gone.” Seungcheol noted when he didn’t hear anything in the living room.

They both got out of the tiny room and walked back to Hansol’s bedroom, they were both sleeping on the ground while Seungkwan and Hansol were sleeping on the bed. If Seungcheol stretched out his arm and grabbed Jihoon’s hand before they fell asleep, Jihoon would keep it to himself. 

He knew Seungcheol was special to him, but he guessed it was because they spent a lot of time together. Then he remembered how everything was before Hansol and Seungcheol came, he remembered how he would play with Seungkwan all day long and spend a lot of time with him. But he never felt that way towards Seungkwan, he was his best friend, but not like Seungcheol. 

Jihoon kissed him again three days later. When they were both standing in the closet, close to each other, trying to not make a sound so that Hansol and Seungkwan wouldn’t find them. Seungcheol looked down at him with a smile on his face. That time they got their extra snacks, he didn’t know if it was because they were too good at hiding or because Seungkwan and Hansol were too bad at looking. 

Jihoon and Seungcheol weren’t alone very often, so they got used to proposing hide and seek all the time, but Hansol and Seungkwan were tired of losing. Jihoon didn’t mind winning as much as he cared about spending time alone with Seungcheol. Either way he had to go back home almost every day, even spend some days with his mom when she wasn’t working. 

"What did you do today, honey?" she asked while she looked down at her laptop, Jihoon had just gotten back from Hansol’s house. 

"We just went outside and played for a while in Hansol's backyard." Jihoon mumbled, he sat down in front of his mom and looked at her as she typed away on her computer. 

"That's great, and how was it?" 

"Well, it was muddy because of the rain so I stained my clothes, but it was okay." he shrugged. 

"It sounds like fun." Jihoon looked at her and leaned his cheek on his hand. 

"Also, Seungcheol kissed me again." he said without thinking. 

"Really?" she asked, nodding along. 

"Yes, that's what adults do when they love someone right?" his mom just hummed. "Yes, so I think I love him," he continued. "We're going to get married when we get older, I don't think we can now, do you know when can we get married?" 

"I'm not sure, honey." she answered clearly not listening to a word Jihoon was saying, Jihoon sighed and looked to the side and slid his hand in the table, dropping one of the glasses on the floor and making it break into pieces. Only then his mom looked up surprised. 

"Jihoon! Why did you do that?!" she asked angrily. 

Jihoon didn't say anything and just got up and left, he heard his mom screaming at him but he refused to listen to her, just like she did with him. He didn’t think anyone listened to him. So he asked Seungcheol the next day. 

“Do your parents ever listen to you?” 

“I don’t tell them anything. Why?” Seungcheol answered, they were sitting in the swings while Hansol and Seungkwan were playing inside. 

“My mom doesn’t listen to me.” Seungcheol nodded, listening to him. “I know she’s busy, she spends time with me sometimes, but she never listens to me. I don’t think I’m that dumb.” 

“No you’re not.” Seungcheol told him. “But how do you know she doesn’t listen?” 

“Well, I told her you kissed me and she just…” he mocked how his mom moved her head and hummed when he told her that, Seungcheol laughed at that. “Then I asked her when we can get married and she… ‘Oh really? I don’t know’…” he mocked her again, Seungcheol threw his head back laughing. 

“I think we have to wait to eighteen.” Seungcheol told him with a smile. 

“I know! I was just joking.” Jihoon laughed at him. 

“So you don’t want to get married?” Seungcheol teased him. 

“We’re too young.” 

“You sound like my dad.” Seungcheol said with a smile on his face. 

“When we grow up.” Jihoon assured him, Seungcheol looked at him in the eyes, still smiling, which made Jihoon smile wider. 

Seungkwan looked up at Jihoon and Seungcheol, both laughing as they moved slowly in the swings. 

“I saw them kiss.” he suddenly told Hansol, who raised his head surprised. 

“What?” 

“Yesterday, I found them but I saw them kiss, that’s why I told you I didn’t find them.” he explained, Hansol raised his eyebrows surprised.

“Why did they do that?” Hansol asked, confused, Seungkwan just shrugged. “That’s weird.”

“Our parents kiss all the time.”

“It’s different.” 

“So you don’t want to kiss anyone?” Seungkwan asked him, as if he didn’t believe him. 

“No, gross.” 

“You’ll change your mind when you grow up.” 

“I won’t.” 

“Don’t lie.” 

“Why?” Hansol looked at Seungkwan with a smile on his face. “Are you asking because you want to kiss me?” Seungkwan scowled at him and slowly started turning red in the face. 

“WHAT?! NO!” he screamed as he pushed him away, that caught Jihoon and Seungcheol’s attention and they walked inside to ask what happened, both Seungkwan and Hansol lied. Jihoon and Seungcheol looked at each other and frowned, even more confused. 

It was a week of weird stares from Hansol and Seungkwan, and they could barely get any alone time because they refused to play hide and seek anymore. Either way Seungcheol and Jihoon still found ways to be left alone and talk, Jihoon liked being with Seungcheol so much. That was the main reason he was so sad when one time Hansol’s mom told them Seungcheol wouldn’t be coming that day to play. Seungkwan tried to cheer him up and told him that he could see him the next day. 

But the next day Seungcheol didn’t come either and when he asked Hansol’s mom she just said that Seungcheol’s mom didn’t ask her to take care of him so he was probably just spending time with his family. Jihoon didn’t believe her. 

“Jihoon, come on, let’s just go outside and play.” Hansol told him with a smile, it’d been almost a week since the last time he saw Seungcheol.

“To play what?” 

“Hide and seek? You love playing that.” Seungkwan suggested. 

“It’s no fun if Seungcheol’s not here.” he mumbled as he grabbed a pen and continued to paint in the piece of paper. 

“Jihoon, come on…” 

Jihoon looked up when he heard a noise, he looked at the kitchen, where Hansol’s mom was cooking. She told him again that Seungcheol was spending time with his family. He ignored Hansol and Seungkwan and got up to walk away.

“Where’s Seungcheol?” Jihoon asked, walking into the kitchen, tired of waiting. 

Hansol’s mom turned around when she heard him, she looked at Jihoon surprised and then at Seungkwan and Hansol, who were still in the living room but listening to the conversation. Jihoon knew that because they weren’t speaking anymore. 

“When is he coming?” he asked again when he didn’t hear an answer. “Are you not talking to his mom anymore? I want to see him.” 

She sighed and leaned down, the way adults do when they thought they wouldn’t understand something, Jihoon was starting to get pissed. 

“Well Jihoon, sometimes adults…” 

“I don’t care about that. I want to know why Seungcheol isn’t here.” he cut her off, tired of them talking about their problems and not caring for them. 

“His mom…” 

“Where is _Seungcheol_?” this time he asked her as if she was the one who couldn’t understand him. 

“We don’t know.” she finally answered, knowing she couldn’t explain it calmly to Jihoon because he wanted answers. 

“What do you mean?” he asked confused. 

“Well, I haven’t talked to his mom in a while and I went over to their house and… I think they moved away.” 

“Away _where_?” Jihoon asked her, still confused. 

“I don’t know Jihoon, this is all I know, I’m telling you the truth. I’m as confused as you are.” she said calmly. 

“When is he coming back?” 

“Jihoon… I don’t think he’s coming back.” 

Jihoon frowned at her and then looked at the floor, the living room was quiet, both Seungkwan and Hansol were listening to everything they were saying. 

“I want to go home.” 

“Honey, your mom is…” 

“Call my dad then, I want to go home.” he repeated, a harsh tone in his voice, she nodded slowly before she stood up again and walked to the phone. 

Jihoon sat on the sidewalk and waited for his dad to pick him up, Seungkwan and Hansol weren’t brave enough to go talk to him, but he didn’t want to stay there. He knew Hansol’s mom was watching him through the window, probably Seungkwan and Hansol too, but he definitely didn’t want to stay with them if Seungcheol wasn’t going to be there. 

He saw his dad’s car stop in front of him and he got in without even looking back. He sat in the backseat because he wasn’t big enough to sit in the front, Seungcheol was. 

“Hey, champ. You okay?” 

“No.” Jihoon mumbled as he watched his dad drive. 

“What happened? Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No.” 

His dad nodded slowly and looked ahead. Jihoon looked out the window, if he called his mom that afternoon and talked to her maybe he could convince her to let him stay at his dad’s for a while, he definitely didn’t want to come back yet because he would miss Seungcheol too much. 

“Did you love mom?” Jihoon suddenly asked, catching his dad off guard. 

“Well, yes, I did, of course.” 

“How did you know?” 

“Uhm… I don’t know Jihoon, you just know.” he laughed it off and shrugged. “Why are you asking?” Jihoon shrugged and looked at him through the mirror. 

“But how can you be sure?” 

“Well…” he stopped for a moment, trying to find the words that Jihoon would understand. “You want to be with her all the time, and you want to hear what they say, even if it’s dumb. You really care about them, a lot, and they end up becoming the most important person in your life.” Jihoon looked up and thought about it. “Why? Is there someone special on your mind?” he asked with a smile on his face. 

“Not anymore.” Jihoon mumbled and rolled his eyes. 

“Aren’t you a little bit young to have your heart broken?” he asked with a playful smile on his face, Jihoon thought about it for a moment. 

“Yes,” he mumbled slowly, he moved his head and leaned against the door, where his father couldn’t see him through the mirror. 

He started crying slowly, trying to hide from his dad so he wouldn’t ask. He cried a lot, for little things, when he was scared, when he was hurt. But this didn’t feel like those times, this felt so much worse, he knew the light would turn on at some point, he knew his injuries would heal sooner or later. But he didn’t know if he was ever going to see Seungcheol again. And he also didn’t know if he’d lost a friend or something else.

* * *

“Jihoon! Wake up, come on, the boss will see you.” Mingyu said, hitting him in the head so that he would wake up, Jihoon raised his head and looked at Mingyu with a scowl, Mingyu backed away just in case. 

“Don’t wake me up like that, dickhead.” 

“Sorry, didn’t sleep well last night?” 

“No, fuck, Seungkwan and Vernon are driving me insane.” Mingyu frowned when he heard that. 

“Why?” Jihoon sighed and rolled his eyes, it was too long to explain. 

“Nothing, forget about it.”

Jihoon looked down at his desk, he was used to taking power naps sometimes, since he wasn’t missed at work and he hated his boss. He was one of the few people that actually liked their major, but everyone warned him, if college doesn’t kill your passion, your job will. It was starting to get to Jihoon’s head even though he’d been out of college for three years. 

“I went out last night too, don’t worry about it.” Mingyu told him with a smile as he sat down at his desk. 

“You always go out, it doesn’t make a difference. Seungkwan dragged me out of my house and forced me to have drinks with them when I don’t even drink.” 

“Well, you have to be on your best behavior, today’s a big day.” Jihoon looked at him confused. 

“Okay, today’s meeting is not _that_ important.” 

“I don’t mean that.” Mingyu gestured to the desk in front of Jihoon’s, which used to be empty all the time, but now it had a computer and all the basic things they needed.

“Someone new?” Jihoon asked, looking at the desk in front of his. 

“Not really, they’re transferring someone from the marketing department.” 

“Why?” Jihoon asked confused. 

“Uhm, we kind of need it? Our marketing strategies are shit. No offence.” 

“They wouldn’t be shit if they just listened to me for once, we don’t need someone new in this department, we need people to start listening to me a little bit more.” 

“Calm down Jihoon, he’s just going to help you.” 

“I don’t need help,” Jihoon huffed and walked out to pour himself a cup of coffee. 

He thought he still had time to convince them that they didn’t need anyone new, he handled the marketing in that department. With his position he could take on more important projects and soon enough he would get that promotion he’d been waiting. All of his plans seemed to crash when he walked in the office and he saw someone sitting on the desk in front of him. 

“And this is Jihoon, he handles marketing too,” his boss said as soon as he saw him approach his desk. “Jihoon, this is Choi Seungcheol, I assume you can show him around and help him.” 

“Sure,” Jihoon mumbled, knowing he didn’t have a choice.

“Great, I’ll see you both later at the meeting.” he nodded and looked at Seungcheol before he sat down at his desk. 

“Listen, just so you know, I’m almost here as an adorn, they never listen to my projects or they always change them too much. So don’t expect a better treatment here.” Jihoon explained absentmindedly as he looked down at his laptop, he looked up when he didn’t hear a response, he was confused to see Seungcheol looking at him as if he’d grown a second head. “Everything okay?” 

“Y-yeah, I’m good.”

“Great, here’s the brief for today's meeting, you should read it. You don’t have to participate or anything since it’s your first meeting, not that it would matter, they never listen to us.” Jihoon said as he got up after he gave him the documents. “I was going to take my break now until the meeting, see you there.” he left before the guy could say anything else. 

“Taking your break? You were just sleeping.” Mingyu asked when he caught him almost getting in the elevator. 

“Yeah, I saw the new guy and, if I’m being honest, I don’t want to deal with that. And since the boss didn’t know I was sleeping I’m good as long as you keep your mouth shut.” he told him with a smile, Mingyu made a gesture as if to show he wouldn’t say anything before he walked back to his desk.

He walked out of the building with his coffee in hand, it was starting to get cold, just as October had ended. He sat down in one of the benches in front of the buildings and left his coffee next to him so he could light up a cigarette. Just before he took the first drag his phone started ringing, he looked at the screen before picking up, Seungkwan. 

“Hey,” he said absentmindedly.

“Hey, did your meeting start already?” 

“Yeah, it did, my boss is looking at me right now I should hang up.” Jihoon replied calmly. 

“Very funny, I get it.” 

“What did you need?” 

“Just wanted to know if you’re coming over tonight to Vernon’s.” 

“I thought it was movie night.” Jihoon tried to pick up the coffee, realizing he had too many things in his hands and he couldn’t drink his coffee and smoke while he talked to Seungkwan on the phone. 

“It is, I just thought it would be a good idea to include you.” 

“You _never_ include me in movie night and last night you took me out for drinks when you _know_ I don’t drink. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong. Why would there be anything wrong? Everything’s fine.” 

“Sure,” Jihoon mumbled and looked up. “You’re a terrible liar Seungkwan, just tell me what’s wrong before I ask Vernon.” 

“No! Don’t tell him anything.” 

“Jesus, did you fight or something?” 

“No, we didn’t, we’re great.” 

“So? He’s your best friend, is there anything wrong?” 

“No, nothing’s wrong, sorry I asked.” 

“Wait, Seungkwan…” he hung up before Jihoon could finish that sentence, he sighed and rolled his eyes, he took a sip of his coffee before he called him again. 

“You know I hate it when people hang up on me.” 

“Sorry Jihoon.” 

“Now, are you going to tell me what’s wrong or should I go straight to Vernon?” 

“It’s complicated.” 

“Okay, sure. You know what’s complicated? Quantum physics, your relationship with your best friend, whom you’ve known for your entire life, is _not_ complicated. You’re just a drama queen who can’t accept the fact that you’re in love with your best friend.” he said and placed the cigarette between his lips, he could almost see Seungkwan’s surprised face.

“I am _not_ …!” 

“You are.” 

“What makes you think so?!” 

“Well, for starters you came out to me the same day we went skinny dipping in the lake, but you didn’t tell Vernon until a year later, probably because he was your awakening. You get jealous of all of his girlfriends. You _refused_ to play spin the bottle or truth or dare for your entire university life, especially if Vernon was there. And now you’re too scared to spend time alone with him because he broke up with his last girlfriend and he’s been especially touchy around you for some strange reason,” Jihoon added sarcasm in the last sentence but Seungkwan didn’t pick up on it. “I can keep going, I have a list, or I can just tell you that I’m crashing movie night because I hate hearing you whine.” 

“You knew?!” 

“That’s all you picked up?”

“You knew?!” Seungkwan repeated. 

“Yes! Of course I knew, I’ve known ever since you stopped playing legos with me because ‘Hansol thinks legos are boring’.”

“Oh my god, you can’t still be mad about that.” Seungkwan complained. “And by the way! I came out to you first because you were already out, it was easier with you, obviously!” 

“Seungkwan I’ve been out since I was eleven and Vernon reacted well, don’t use me as an excuse, you know you didn’t tell him because you were afraid he would find out about your crush if you told him.” 

“You’re unbelievable…” Seungkwan mumbled. “I’m just hesitant when it comes to him, okay?” Jihoon sighed and looked down. 

“You don’t mix friendship with love.” Jihoon said absentmindedly. “So when you break up with him you won’t lose a friend.” 

“It’s different.” 

“I know it’s different, but I thought you two would get together once you grew up. You’re taking oddly long to get together.” 

“He’s not gay.” 

“His extensive experience in university ‘experimenting’ would tell you otherwise.” 

“It was just that! Experimenting! It’s not supposed to mean anything.” 

“You’re just mad he didn’t do it with you.” 

“For god’s sake he even kissed you!” 

“It’s probable that maybe, just maybe, he kissed me and not you because he knows nothing will ever happen with me, so it wouldn’t ruin our friendship.” 

“Stop suggesting that he likes me too! You’re just going to get my hopes up!” 

“That’s my plan.” he looked at his watch. “I gotta go, meeting.” 

“God, good luck with those assholes.” 

“They sent a new guy from marketing, for what? Just so they can have _two_ guys to ignore? Assholes.”

“Is he at least nice?” 

“I don’t know, I just met him. Although, he seems kind of weird.” Jihoon put out his cigarette and grabbed his coffee. “He looks familiar somehow, but he’s not from uni or high school, so I don’t know where I’ve seen him.” 

“He’s from the same field as you, you might’ve seen him around.” 

“Yeah, probably. I’ll call you later.” 

“Bye.” 

The meeting hadn’t started once Jihoon went into the room, which was disappointing because Jihoon wanted to be late. He sat down and sighed, he was tired of those meetings where no one actually listened to him. He pitched in a couple of times just to be cut off by his boss and dismissed. Jihoon raised his head surprised when he heard Seungcheol speaking, with a friendly smile and a strong tone he paraphrased what Jihoon had just said, not being cut off by anyone and after a pause, everyone took him seriously. 

Jihoon looked at him in disbelief, Seungcheol turned to look at him and smiled, he figured it was a fake smile. As soon as the meeting was over Jihoon got up and left, he was unfortunately followed by Seungcheol. 

“Hey, Jihoon.” 

“What?” he asked, his tone clearly angry. 

“Are you-... Are you mad?” Seungcheol asked confused once he heard Jihoon’s tone, he turned to look at him with a scowl. 

“Am I mad? Seriously? You stole my idea.” 

“No I-... That wasn’t my intention. I really liked your idea and I didn’t think they understood what you were saying, I just… I was just trying to help.” 

“I don’t need your help.” he turned around and walked over to his desk. 

“Well, I think… I wanted to ask you something.” 

“What?” Jihoon asked abruptly.

“Where are you from?” Jihoon frowned confused at that question.

“Busan.” 

“Really? I used to live there but I had to move out when I was six.” 

“Congratulations.” Jihoon said as he picked up his things, Seungcheol looked as if he was expecting a different reaction from Jihoon. “Welcome to the team, if you steal one of my ideas again I will end you.” he continued nonchalantly. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m done for the day. I just had that meeting and I prefer to work at home because I hate this place. See you tomorrow.” Jihoon left before Seungcheol could reply. 

It was a good decision to go to Vernon’s house, because now he could drink and complain about his job, which was exactly what he wanted. Even though he hated drinking, sometimes it was just necessary. 

“He is a total jerk.” he complained as he walked into the kitchen with a beer in his hand. 

“So we hate him?” Vernon asked, confused. 

“Yes, of course!” 

“Sorry, I thought he helped you get your idea to your boss.” 

“No, he got the credit for it, so he stole it.” 

“Yeah, that’s kind of bad.” Seungkwan pitched in. 

“Either way you’ll get the promotion right?” 

“Yes, my boss will no longer be my boss and people _will_ have to listen to me.” Jihoon explained before he downed his drink, he then looked at Vernon before speaking. “How are you doing?” 

“What do you mean?” Vernon asked, confused even though he had a smile on his face. 

“Well… You broke up with your girlfriend.” 

“Yeah, a month ago, I’m fine.”

“It was two weeks ago and you can’t be that fine after such a short period of time.” Jihoon said, looking at him in the eyes, he could see Seungkwan suffering from the corner of his eyes. 

“Really Jihoon, I’m fine.” Jihoon raised his eyebrows and took a sip of his drink as he looked at Seungkwan. 

“You get over your relationships oddly quickly.” he mumbled. 

“Or you just take longer to get over them.” Vernon teased him. “Come on, let’s put on the movie.” 

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? I take a healthy amount of time to get over my relationships.” Jihoon complained, Vernon looked at him with an eyebrow raised. 

“Jun.” 

“We were together for four years! Of course I’m going to be upset about it, even if I was the one to break up.” Vernon looked at him, almost expecting Jihoon to realize something, he looked at Seungkwan, who seemed to agree with Vernon. “You know what? You hypocrites, at least I have normal relationships, Vernon, you go through girlfriends faster than I can keep up with and you never actually seem to fall in love. And you Seungkwan, you haven’t dated anyone since we left college and those were all hookups. So sorry to break it to you guys, I’m the only normal one here.” he looked down at his drink and he raised it to take a sip. “Wonder why that is…” he mumbled under his breath. 

“We didn’t like Jun.” Seungkwan admitted. 

“You _never_ like any of my boyfriends! You don’t _have_ to be best friends with all of my boyfriends, you know that, right?” 

“It just didn’t click.” Vernon followed, agreeing with Seungkwan. 

“He was _my_ boyfriend, not yours! It clicked for me.” 

“Well, clearly it didn’t…” Jihoon looked at Seungkwan when he heard him say that and laughed.

“Very funny. Come on, sit down, let’s watch this dumb movie.” 

“It’s not dumb!” 

“It is if you like it.” Jihoon mumbled as he sat down on the couch, he sighed loudly when he noticed Vernon and Seungkwan sat at either side of him, not wanting to sit next to each other. Luckily they didn’t notice his sigh and they just watched the movie. 

Jihoon hated that movie but the next day he wished he could go back to that couch and watch that shitty movie with his friends. He sighed when he saw Seungcheol sitting at his desk in front of Jihoon’s, he’d almost forgotten about that. 

“Good morning.” Seungcheol said with a smile when he saw him sit down, Jihoon just scowled at him. 

“Hey Jihoon, hungover?” Mingyu asked as he passed next to him. 

“I will kill you one of these days Mingyu, I’m warning you.” 

“I don’t have anything to worry about, I know Seungkwan is the first one on your kill list.” Mingyu teased him with a smile. “What? More drinks yesterday?” 

“I’m looking for new friends.” he sighed as he sat down and dropped his things on the table, he looked up and noticed that Seungcheol was looking at him, probably eavesdropping. 

“Need anything?” he asked him, clearly mad that he was listening to their conversation. 

“Yeah, sorry, it’s just… We know each other.” Seungcheol said, leaning in, it didn’t sound like a question. 

“I think I would remember such a big asshole. No, we don’t know each other.” 

“Come on, I already apologized about yesterday.” 

“Not enough, bad first day.” Jihoon sighed as he opened his laptop. 

“What? Am I on your kill list now?” Seungcheol asked with a smile, Jihoon moved his eyes to him without raising his head. 

“That is a _friendly_ kill list, only _friends_ are allowed there, last time I checked I hated you, so no. Not friends.” 

“Hating is… A little too much. Don’t you think?” Seungcheol said, looking at him as if it was an inside joke they had, Jihoon looked at him confused, because he actually did look familiar, but he didn’t know from where. 

Jihoon didn’t answer and just proceeded to work, it went on like that for the next week, Seungcheol was too much for Jihoon to handle. Too charming, everyone seemed to love him, everyone listened to him when he spoke and everyone ignored Jihoon, like always. Everyday he hated the guy a little bit more. 

“Hey Jihoon, do you have the brief for today’s meeting?” Jihoon looked up in disbelief when he heard that. 

“It’s literally in five minutes, you didn’t prepare anything?” Seungcheol opened his mouth to answer but Jihoon was quicker. “Or are you just going to wait for me to say something and then steal my idea because you know no one listens to me.” 

“I listen to you.” 

“Yeah, I can see that,” Jihoon said, rolling his eyes. He didn’t understand why Seungcheol smiled at him, he did that a lot. 

“Actually I just lost my copy and I wanted to see yours to check it before going in. I did prepare for it, but I don’t think I can come up with better ideas than yours.” he said with a smile.

“You’re not going to win me with compliments.” Seungcheol laughed and Jihoon sighed. “Seriously, what is wrong with you? Is this a facade so I look like the bad guy? You act so charming with everyone else so you have to act charming with me too? I don’t get it Seungcheol, I don’t like you, you don’t have to be nice to me, it’s not going to change.”

“You’re so stubborn.” Seungcheol said with a smile, Jihoon scowled at him. 

“Seriously stop.” 

“Is this an act?” Jihoon looked at him confused. 

“What?” 

“Are you mad we haven’t seen each other or something?” Jihoon was getting more confused by the second. 

“ _What_ are you talking about?”

“You really don’t remember me?” Seungcheol asked, almost surprised, Jihoon scowled at him. 

“No, do we know each other?” 

“Well, we did, many years ago.” Jihoon looked at him as if he didn’t believe him. 

“I don’t remember you.” 

“I remember you.” 

“Well, congrats. What? Did we go to college together and you had a crush on me? That’s why you remember me and I don’t?” Jihoon asked in a mocking tone. 

“No, you told me we would get married when we grew up,” Seungcheol explained in a calm tone with a smile on his face, Jihoon opened his mouth surprised and looked at him, he tried to remember every single person he had met and when did he ever agree to get married to someone else. 

Jihoon had never agreed to marry anyone, he clearly knew it was still not legal in his country so he’d forgotten about that idea many years ago. He was twelve when he found out he couldn’t get married and let go of the idea, before that he never…

“Wait…” he whispered as it finally clicked in his head why he looked familiar. “You’re Seungcheol.” 

“Yeah, that’s my name,” he answered as if it was obvious.

“What?” Jihoon tried to process everything, he hadn’t thought about him in so many years he’d even forgotten the face of that kid that would play with him, the kid that gave him his first kiss. “How am I supposed to remember you? We knew each other for like… What? A few months? I was six!” 

“I remember you.” 

“Why tho? I thought you didn’t care about us, since you disappeared without leaving a trace.” Seungcheol opened his mouth to answer but someone interrupted him. 

“Guys, the meeting is starting.” Jihoon looked back at the door where Mingyu was standing and walked in before Seungcheol could say anything else. 

He was sweating throughout the whole meeting, he stole glances over to Seungcheol, but immediately looked at the table when he noticed Seungcheol was looking right back at him. The moments were starting to come back to him slowly, he barely remembered anything since he was just a kid, he could remember some bits as if they were from a dream. He remembered his first kiss and some conversations he had with Seungcheol, but they were both so little, how could Seungcheol remember any of that?

He almost didn’t intervene in the meeting, but it didn’t look like anyone noticed how quiet he was. The only comments he made were when Seungcheol asked him questions, which was already irritating in itself. 

He got up when the meeting was over, when he saw Seungcheol walking over to him he walked out of the room as fast as he could and he went to the bathroom. He locked one of the stalls before he grabbed his phone and called Seungkwan. 

“Hey,” Seungkwan asked in a cheerful tone. 

“I have a problem.” Jihoon whispered against the phone.

“Why are you whispering? What happened?” Seungkwan asked, concerned. 

“I’m in the bathroom, that's why I’m whispering.” 

“Okay, what’s the emergency.” 

“Remember I told you there was a new guy?” 

“Yeah, the one that stole your idea.”

“Well, remember I also told you he looked familiar?”

“Uh, no I didn’t but go on.” 

“Well, we just talked and I know why he looks familiar.” 

“Jesus Jihoon spit it out already.”

“It’s Seungcheol.” There was a moment of silence after Jihoon said that. He didn’t know if it was from surprise or Seungkwan was trying to understand what Jihoon was saying because he also didn’t remember Seungcheol. 

“Wait what?” he finally said, he sounded confused. “What?!” he repeated. “You mean Seungcheol? _The_ Seungcheol? The kid that used to live down the street and came to play with us almost every day?” 

“Yep, the one that also disappeared out of thin air.”

“Oh my god Jihoon! That’s amazing! How is he doing?!” 

“Uhm, hello? I just told you he disappeared without saying goodbye and you want to know how he’s doing?” 

“Obviously? That was twenty years ago and he was practically like our brother, of course I want to know how he’s doing.” Seungkwan answered as if it was obvious. “Why? Are you mad at him?” 

“A little bit, yeah.” Jihoon mumbled, trying not to sound too mad about the whole thing. “Like you said, he really was like our brother, we saw him every day. And then he left… It’s weird to see him again.” 

“Would you prefer to never see him again?” 

“I would prefer an apology honestly.” 

“Jihoon…” Seungkwan sighed and stopped for a moment before continuing. “I know… He was special to you, you got along with him better than you did with us. But we were kids, you don’t really have control over your life at that age, maybe he just didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.” 

“And why hasn’t he explained it already?” 

“Have you let him?” 

“No, I hate the guy.” 

“He _just_ tried to help you in the meeting.” 

“He _stole_ my idea.” 

“All right, whatever you say. But you better get over this whole thing because I’m going to tell Vernon about it and he will definitely want to see him and catch up. I want too.”

“Oh my god.” Jihoon sighed and rubbed his face. 

“Vernon’s going to be happy to see him again.”

“Speaking of which.” 

“No, I am not talking about Vernon.” 

“I saw you cuddling the other day Seungkwan, you don’t fool me. You’re not trying to avoid him anymore.” 

“Well…Yeah! I’m only human, you know.” 

“So you’re going to make a move?” 

“And ruin your friendship, no thank you. I prefer crying against my pillow at night.” 

“Wow, such a good decision, really.” 

“I hate you so much.” 

“You love me.” Jihoon said with a smile. 

“Oh! You can tell Seungcheol to come over this weekend to Hansol’s house, since we were planning that dinner, we can just invite him.” 

“Absolutely not.” Jihoon replied with no hesitation. 

“Jihoon! Come on, you-...” 

“Nope, not happening, see you later.” 

“Jih-...” before Seungkwan could scream anything else Jihoon hung up the call and sighed loudly. 

He got out and walked to his desk, he tried to compose himself when he saw Seungcheol sitting in front of his desk. He took a deep breath and walked over to sit down. Seungcheol looked up at him but Jihoon quickly put on his earphones to work without being disturbed. 

It wasn’t until half an hour later that he was disturbed by someone tapping his shoulder, he was relieved to see that it was Mingyu. 

“Yeah?” he asked, taking one earphone out. 

“Hey, any idea why Seungkwan is blowing up my phone?” Mingyu asked him, phone in his hand. “He’s asking about…” Jihoon grabbed his phone before Mingyu could even look at Seungcheol. 

“No idea,” he said after he turned it off and gave it back to Mingyu. 

“What-...?” Mingyu looked at him confused. “He asked about…”

“Mingyu, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Mingyu looked at Seungcheol, who was looking at them and obviously listening to their conversation since he was in front of them. 

“Well then, Seungkwan asked me to tell you about a dinner…?” Mingyu told Seungcheol, still confused, Jihoon sighed and dropped his head on the desk, hurting his forehead in the process. 

“Uh, thanks Mingyu.” he heard Seungcheol say. 

“You know Seungkwan?” Mingyu asked. 

“Yeah, I knew him a while ago.” 

“Twenty years is _not_ a ‘while ago’.” Jihoon said against his desk, both Mingyu and Seungcheol looked at him, Seungcheol had to lean in to see him. 

“Oh, wow.” Mingyu mumbled, sitting back at his desk. “Isn’t that how long you’ve known Vernon and Seungkwan?” 

“Yeah.” Jihoon raised his head and fixed his hair as he looked at Seungcheol. “Vernon is Hansol, by the way, we haven't called him Hansol since middle school, you would know that, but, you know… It’s been twenty years.” Seungcheol opened his mouth but Jihoon got up before he could say anything. “Gonna take my break.” he mumbled before he left. 

He sat down in one of the benches and lit up a cigarette as he wrote ‘traitor’ to a message he sent to Seungkwan. A few minutes later his phone started to ring, he wasn’t going to pick up, but he did when he saw it was Vernon. 

“Hey,” he greeted him absentmindedly. 

“What do you mean you’ve seen Seungcheol?” he asked excitedly. 

“Wow, Seungkwan’s fast. I shouldn’t have said anything.” 

“Are you kidding Jihoon?! This is so cool! You know how much we’ve missed him!” 

“You missed him, I was silently wishing for his death.” 

“You were not, don’t act all tough, we didn’t see you for two whole weeks after he left.” Jihoon sighed and looked to the side, he’d almost forgotten about that. “Is he going to come to Saturday's dinner?” 

“Not if I can prevent it.” he mumbled and took a drag on his cigarette.

“Jihoon, seriously…” 

“What? He’s the same guy that stole my idea.” 

“He’s _Seungcheol_.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“Jihoon…” 

“Listen, if you want to see him so badly I’ll tell him about the dinner, don’t worry, I’m not that bad of a person to keep you from seeing him. But don’t expect me to be there.” 

“Jihoon! You have to come.” 

“No I don’t. Besides, you see me almost every day, one dinner won’t make a difference.” 

“Jihoon…” 

“Stop saying my name like that, we’re not kids, you’re not going to convince me with your puppy eyes. Especially because this is a phone call, so you can’t do that now.” he heard Vernon sigh. “Seriously Vernon, it’s fine. I just don’t want to see him besides work.” 

“Okay…” 

“Great, talk to you later.” he hung up and placed his phone back in his pocket before he finished his cigarette and walked in again. 

He bumped into Seungcheol right before he was going to go into the elevator. 

“Hey,” Seungcheol said hesitantly. 

“Listen, Vernon and Seungkwan want to see you again, so, give me your phone.” Seungcheol frowned at him but gave him his phone either way. “Here, that’s Seungkwan’s phone number, you can contact him, he wants to invite you to a dinner this weekend so you can catch up. Get used to this, he’s a cook so he likes to organize dinners all the time.” 

“Okay.” Seungcheol mumbled with a smile. 

“Yeah, no, don’t do that. I’m not going.” Jihoon rolled his eyes and walked away, but wasn’t surprised when he saw Seungcheol was following him. 

“Why not? Jihoon, I don’t know how many times I have to apologize about that first day, I really am sorry I wouldn’t have done it if I knew it would upset you so much. But it made me upset too that they didn’t listen to you.” 

“No, don’t do that seriously. You don’t know what’s like, everyone listens to you and everyone loves you.” 

“Jihoon, please, just tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me.” Jihoon turned around and looked at him. 

“Nothing,” he replied calmly. “Not only did you steal my ideas I also found out that you’re the asshole that left without saying goodbye. There’s nothing you can do about it, sorry.” he shrugged and left before Seungcheol could say anything else, even though he didn’t look like he was going to say anything. 

Thankfully, Seungcheol got the message and stopped bothering him. Even Mingyu noticed the shift in their dynamic and tried to ask Jihoon about it, but he didn’t tell him anything. 

“We missed you at yesterday’s dinner.” Seungkwan said over the phone.

“Such a shame. Did you have fun?” 

“Yes, a lot, he’s great Jihoon. Really handsome too.” Jihoon frowned when he heard that. 

“Why do you say that?” 

“Just stating a fact.” 

“Do you like him?” 

“What? No! Jihoon you know I like Vernon, I meant you!” 

“Me?! Are you crazy? I don’t even talk to the guy.” 

“Well, you should. Besides, he’s not just a guy, he’s _Seungcheol_.” 

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” 

“He was you know…” Seungkwan hesitated. “Your…” 

“He was what? Seungkwan.” Jihoon asked, clearly mad. “Oh, yeah. He was _gone_.” 

“You need to get over it.” Seungkwan sighed. 

“Fuck off Seungkwan.” he hung up before Seungkwan could complain about it. 

He sighed and sat down. It was taking a toll on him, this whole situation, it was too much. He looked up when he saw Mingyu approach him. 

“Hey, you okay?” 

“Yeah…” he mumbled as he gave him his lighter when Mingyu gestured for it. “Go ahead, you can tell me I’m being too harsh on Seungcheol.” 

“Do you think you’re being too harsh on him?” Mingyu asked calmly, Jihoon looked at him and grabbed his lighter when Mingyu gave it back, he didn’t know what to say. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on. He’s been here for just three weeks and you look like you want to behead him, yes, it seems kind of harsh. But then again, I don’t know what happened between you too.” 

“This is so stupid, I never tought I would see him again. I didn’t even remember him…” he mumbled slowly, Mingyu looked at him. 

“So it was a long time ago.” 

“I was six, so yeah… Long time.” Mingyu nodded slowly and breathed out the smoke. “It’s dumb, it was so dumb, we were kids. But still, I’m mad.” 

“It’s fine if you’re mad, but maybe… You could give him a chance, he walks around like an abandoned puppy.” 

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Jihoon said, letting out a laugh. 

“Well, he clearly cares about what you think of him.” Jihoon sighed and rolled his eyes. “I got a message from Seungkwan yesterday.”

“Yep, his dinner.” 

“In the restaurant this time, he’s celebrating his promotion,” Jihoon nodded, Seungkwan had been talking about it for a week now. “Speaking of promotions, I’ve heard the boss talk about the promotion.” 

“I’m still waiting.” 

“Yeah… You might have to wait a little longer.” Mingyu whispered. 

“What do you mean?” Jihoon asked concerned.

“Well…” 

“Mingyu if you take a second longer to answer me I will kill you.” 

“They’re considering Seungcheol.” 

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” he said as he got up and walked quickly inside the building, he couldn’t hear Mingyu from where he was. 

He was in front of his boss’ office in no time and he went in without knocking first. 

“Seungcheol? Seriously? I’ve been here for almost a year and you want to promote _him_. It hasn’t even been a month!” 

“Jihoon, calm down.” 

“No! Are you serious? You told me it was almost a done deal.” 

“Well, Seungcheol wasn’t here when I said that.” 

“Right! He just got here!” 

“Still, you’re both up for it.” 

“I’m sorry? He just got a promotion, and he’s getting another one?” 

“It wasn’t exactly a promotion, just a transfer.” 

“It’s a higher department, so it _is_ a promotion, call it what you want. I was in the marketing department too and they told me it was a promotion when I came here.” 

“It’s different, he was the head of that department, you were just an employee.” 

“Ok, so I skipped a step in the ladder, who cares? That just means I’m more qualified for the job, right?” 

“Not really…” 

“Oh my fucking God I hate HR.” 

“Jihoon, calm down, we still haven’t decided yet, just… Give it your best.” he said with a friendly smile and a thumbs up, Jihoon sighed and rolled his eyes. 

Just as he got out of the office he bumped into Seungcheol. 

“I hope you’re happy.” he mumbled under his breath before he left and bumped into his shoulder on purpose. 

Jihoon told Seungkwan about the promotion and Seungkwan, again, defended Seungcheol. Still Seungkwan got on Jihoon’s side since thought he deserved it, but he told Jihoon it wasn’t Seungcheol’s fault that they were considering him too. Which Jihoon knew was true, he just couldn’t help it, he was mad, and he knew he had every right to be mad. 

He wasn’t surprised when he walked into the restaurant and saw Seungcheol sitting next to Vernon and talking to him. He had a feeling they would invite him, but it was so important for Seungkwan, and he couldn’t avoid him for much longer, so he figured he would just go and suck it up. He sat next to Mingyu and talked to him and Seungkwan the whole afternoon, Seungkwan was sitting next to Vernon on the other side of the table, which meant Seungcheol was far enough that he didn’t have to make any type of contact with him. 

It was a good dinner, Seungkwan invited a lot of their friends so the table was full and since it was the restaurant Seungkwan worked at they could stay there even after they closed. 

“I’ll go for a smoke.” Jihoon told Mingyu as he was getting up, Mingyu nodded but decided to stay inside. 

Jihoon walked out of the restaurant into the cold, it was dark outside and the streets were almost empty. He lit up his cigarette and grabbed it with one hand. He heard the door open and thought it was Mingyu, so he didn’t pay attention.

“I didn’t know you smoked.” he heard Seungcheol’s voice behind him and he turned his head to look at him. 

“Yeah, well, I tried to look cool in high school and now I’m doomed to die young with black lungs.” Seungcheol chuckled at that. “If I don’t die from hypothermia first,” Jihoon said, trying to warm his hands. “Aren’t you cold?” Jihoon asked and looked at him, he had his arms crossed and was almost hugging himself to keep warm while Seungcheol was just standing there with just his coat as if it wasn’t cold at all.

“I don’t really get cold,” he answered calmly. “I wanted to get out of there, can’t bear to look at Vernon and Seungkwan pining for each other.” Jihoon smiled at that. 

“You noticed?” 

“It’s impossible not to see it.” 

“Jesus, twenty years and they still think it’s just friendship.” Jihoon agreed, rolling his eyes. There was a moment of silence before Seungcheol spoke again.

“Do you think it was like us?” he asked carefully. 

“What do you mean?” Jihoon looked at him confused as he exhaled the smoke. 

“We were kids, but… We had it pretty clear that we liked each other.” 

“No, no way, those two haven’t done anything, it wasn’t like us, it would be much easier if it was.” 

“It still isn’t,” Seungchol mumbled. “Easier, I mean.” 

“Yeah, they were attached at the hip for twenty years, you disappeared. Maybe it would’ve been easier for us if you stayed.”

Seungcheol looked down and didn’t say anything, there was a moment of silence. Jihoon thought he would leave, but he didn’t. He couldn’t leave because he hadn’t finished his cigarette yet, but he was inhaling faster so he could go back inside already. 

“My… House situation was never the best,” Seungcheol mumbled suddenly, Jihoon raised his head confused.

“What do you mean?” 

“You never wondered why I was in Vernon’s house all the time? I almost lived there,” Jihoon raised his eyebrows surprised when he remembered that. “My dad was a drunk, he’d beat my mom a lot, she didn’t want him to touch me so she always asked Hansol’s mom to take care of me.” Jihoon looked at Seungcheol, who’d just explained that so easily, he frowned trying to take in the information. 

“Jesus, I never thought about that.” 

“Yeah, it’s fine, we were kids.” Seungcheol shrugged. “That’s why I left without saying goodbye, I didn’t know I was going to leave. My mom just woke me up in the middle of the night with my things packed and we left. She didn’t want my dad to find out.” 

“You haven’t seen him since?” 

“No. And I hope I don’t see him again honestly, we’re doing fine now, it went well after we left.” he took a pause before he spoke again. “Sorry I left like that. My mom was scared that if anyone knew my dad would find out and he wouldn’t let us leave, or he would find us. So, sorry for not saying goodbye.” Jihoon looked at him and for some reason he felt relief, he finally knew why he left and he wasn’t mad about it.

“No, God, Seungcheol, it’s fine. You didn’t really have a choice.” 

“Did you miss me?” Seungcheol asked with a smile, Jihoon frowned at that. 

“No,” he lied. 

“Right.” 

Jihoon tried to hide his smile and placed the cigarette between his lips, looking away, he knew Seungcheol was smiling too. He exhaled the smoke and looked down at the cigarette, which was almost done, he honestly wanted to light up a second one, but he also wanted to get inside because it was cold and Seungcheol didn’t seem to leave yet. 

“You know that will kill you.” Seungcheol said suddenly when he noticed Jihoon looking at the cigarette in his hand. 

“Yeah, I can read.” Jihoon answered, raising the pack which said in bold letters that ‘smoking will kill you’, Seungcheol laughed and Jihoon smiled at him. “I’ll quit… At some point.” 

“Not today?” 

“Yeah, no, not today.” Jihoon answered laughing. 

“Maybe tomorrow?” 

“Probably not… But the ‘maybe’ makes it sound more hopeful. So yeah… Maybe tomorrow.” he replied and then looked at Seungcheol with a smile. 

There was a moment of silence between them, Jihoon dropped the butt of the cigarette left and put it out with his shoe. He placed his hands in his pockets and decided to not light up a second one, but now he didn’t want to go back inside. 

“I’m not leaving any time soon.” Seungcheol suddenly said. 

“How do I know that?” Seungcheol turned his head to look at him, Jihoon looked in his eyes and waited for a response. 

“I want to see you quit.” Jihoon couldn’t help the smile that crept up in his lips. 

“It’s going to take a while.” 

“Well then I guess it’s going to be a while.” 

“A while before you leave?” 

“A while before you quit.” Seungcheol answered without hesitation. “I’m not leaving… I can’t quit you.” 

Jihoon looked at him and frowned before he burst into laughter. 

“You _did not_ just quote ‘brokeback mountain’.” Seungcheol laughed along with him. 

“You have to admit it was fitting.” Jihoon shook his head and smiled. “It’s a good movie.” 

“I _know_ … First movie I saw that had gay people in it. Watched it on my dad’s computer and then deleted the browser history because it felt like I was watching porn or something.” Seungcheol laughed when he heard that, Jihoon looked over at him. “I was eleven.” he mumbled softly. 

“Thirteen.” was Seungcheol’s answer. 

They both stood silent for a few moments, knowing how heavy of a conversation it was, they’d never spoken to anyone about it, it was their little secret. 

“Did we fuck up?” Jihoon suddenly asked. Seungcheol sighed and looked down. 

“I don’t know. Maybe…?” he answered, looking at Jihoon from the corner of his eye. “Or maybe we saved ourselves from the entire phase of confusion that people like us usually go through in their teenage years.” 

“Some people say it’s part of the experience.” Jihoon shrugged. 

“We couldn’t have known.” Seungcheol whispered, he thought about it for a moment before he spoke again. “Do you remember Jinyoung?” Jihoon looked at him and frowned, he shook his head confused. “Tall kid, he wore glasses and always talked about how his mom would buy him all the new games.” 

“Oh yeah, I remember, a total dickhead once he grew up, by the way. He was in my class a few years into middle school before he changed schools.” 

“He kissed Hayoon on recess once.” Seungcheol told him and Jihoon raised his eyebrows surprised. “First grade, six, maybe seven years old. Bragged about it to every guy in class. Same goes for a few other kids, I don’t remember their names, but they used to talk about kissing girls because their parents or their big brothers were doing it.” Jihoon waited for him to continue, wanting to know where he was going with all of this. “So why are we even second guessing it? We were kids, so what if we kissed? Does it make it different just because we’re both boys? It shouldn’t.” Jihoon frowned, he understood what he wanted to say. 

“You have to admit it’s different for us.”

“It’s only different if we want it to be.” 

“It’s different because it comes with consequences.” 

“What consequences?” 

“I don’t know about you Seungcheol, but I was having a lot of mental problems at the age of _seven_ because I thought there was something wrong with me. If I’d kissed a girl, it would’ve been different.” Sengcheol sighed and looked at him. 

“That’s not our fault. It wouldn’t have been like that if we were raised differently.” 

“But we weren’t.” 

“I don’t regret it.” Seungcheol said suddenly, looking in Jihoon’s eyes. “I liked you.” he moved his hands in his pockets and looked ahead before looking back at Jihoon. “I still do.” Jihoon looked at him and didn’t know what to say, he took a moment before finally answering. 

“I was six and in love with a boy I would never see again. So yeah, maybe I regret it, can you blame me?” he turned around and walked over to the door before Seungcheol could say anything. 

“You’re wrong.” he heard Seungcheol say, Jihoon stopped but didn’t turn around. “You did see me. I’m here now, right?” 

Jihoon suppressed a smile and walked inside before saying anything else. 

He sat down next to Mingyu and smiled at him. 

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon answered calmly. 

“Saw you laughing with him.” Mingyu teased him. 

“Don’t you know it’s rude to get in people’s business?” Mingyu rolled his eyes and looked at the door when he saw Seungcheol get inside too. 

“All right, noted.” he said, smiling at Jihoon as if he knew something no one else did, Jihoon rolled his eyes. 

The next day Jihoon actually greeted him back when Seungcheol said ‘Good morning’. It was nice to see him smile brightly, his smile hadn’t changed that much. As time passed he remembered even more details of all those months he spent with Seungcheol, memories he’d suppressed for so many years. He was still wary of him, since he still stole his idea and he was up for the same promotion as him. But he felt relieved, somehow he could finally breathe around Seungcheol. 

“Jesus christ, do you want to know why I was late?” Jihoon complained to Mingyu as soon as he sat down. 

“Enlighten me.” Mingyu told him, turning his head to look at him. 

“Rush hour, as always, obviously. But usually I can just push through people and get to where I want. But this _couple_ ,” he said the word as if it was something disgusting. “They just wouldn’t let go of their hands to let me through, and they were walking so slow. And then it was this mother with her child, seriously, why does everyone have to take up the entire sidewalk? I don’t want to get killed by a car while getting to my job.” 

“Yeah, so selfish, walking down the street holding your couple’s hand, and with a child? Wow, disrespectful.” Seungcheol teased him. 

“Come on, you have to admit it’s annoying.”

“Walking down the street with someone else? Not really, people come in twos.” Jihoon looked at him and couldn’t help the corner of his mouth going up in a half smile, Seungcheol looked at him with a smile on his face. 

“What?” Mingyu said suddenly. “Pairs. You mean pairs.” he corrected him. 

Seungcheol moved his eyes from Jihoon to look at Seungcheol. 

“Right, yeah, pairs.” he answered with a smile on his face, stealing glances at Jihoon before he went back to work. Jihoon tried to suppress the smile on his face as he opened his laptop, Mingyu tried to ignore that and go back to work. 

At least the workplace wasn’t as hostile as before, Seungkwan kept asking him about having dinner with Seungcheol. Now that he noticed Jihoon wasn’t complaining as much about him. But they were all too busy to actually have one day where they were all free. His workload was too much and he started to get even more nervous when his boss called him into his office. 

“Did you need me?” Jihoon asked from the door. 

“Yes, sit down.” he said, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk. “I wanted to talk to you about the promotion.” Jihoon repressed the sigh, he already knew they were going to give it to Seungcheol, he had made his mind and was getting used to the idea of spending a lot of time in his usual chair. 

“What about it?” he asked casually.

“Yeah, so, Seungcheol specifically told me he didn’t want the promotion, so it’s yours.” 

“What?” Jihoon asked, leaning forward, surprise clear in his face. 

“Before you get defensive, it wasn’t like I gave it to him and he refused. We hadn’t decided yet and he told me he didn’t want it. And since you’re the other one up for it, it’s yours.”

“Why did he do that?” Jihoon asked surprised. 

“I don’t know.” his boss shrugged, he proceeded to talk about paperwork and Jihoon completely zoned out. 

As soon as his boss told him he could leave he got up and walked quickly to his desk. 

“Where’s Seungcheol?” he asked Mingyu when he saw his desk was empty.

“He went to print something.” Mingyu answered absentmindedly. 

Jihoon walked quickly to the printers’ room, he opened the door and saw Seungcheol leaning against one of the printers, waiting for it to be done. 

“Seriously?! I’m not your pity party, you don’t have to give up the promotion for me.” Jihoon accused him, Seungcheol raised his head surprised. “Go back, tell him you want it.” 

“What?” Seungcheol looked at Jihoon confused. “But I don’t want it.” 

“Don’t lie, really, I can take it if they give it to you, you obviously deserve it more than I do since they like you more.” 

“No, no I don’t. And I’m not lying, I don’t want it.” 

“Seungcheol, seriously…!” Jihoon stopped talking once he felt Seungcheol’s hands against his shoulders.

“Jihoon, the world doesn’t revolve around you.” he said, looking him in the eyes with a small smile on his face. “I didn’t do it for you, I actually don’t want it.” 

“Why not? Did you get a better offer from a different company? Are you leaving?” Jihoon asked confused, which made Seungcheol chuckle. 

“No, no I didn’t.” 

“Then why?” 

“I just don’t want it,” Seungcheol tried to explain to him. “I’m fine right now, I just transferred and I want to get settled in. Besides, you do deserve it, you deserve to be listened to and I really want to be in a team where people listen to your ideas and that’s besides me. Because I do listen to you Jihoon, and not just to steal your ideas.” Jihoon looked at him and then sighed, Seungcheol smiled and took his hands off his shoulders. 

“So you actually don’t want it?” 

“For real. I’m fine where I am, Mingyu seems to be a good partner.”

“He is.” Jihoon mumbled. 

“Okay, are we okay now?” Jihoon rolled his eyes when he heard that. 

“Yes, we’re okay now.” 

“Great.” 

Jihoon only then realised he walked into Seungcheol’s personal space and him placing his hands on his shoulders was actually to stop him. He took a step back and tried not to think about how red his ears probably were.

“Your ears still get red.” Jihoon scowled at him when he heard that. 

“Shut up, they don’t get red.” 

“They do, they got red everytime the teacher asked you something you didn’t know.” Seungcheol explained with a smile on his face. “And every time I kissed you,” he continued. “It’s really cute.” 

Jihoon frowned up at him and then sighed before he turned around and left the room as quickly as he’d entered. Mingyu asked about what had him so mad, but Jihoon just shrugged and sat down at his desk, he tried to avoid Seungcheol’s smile when he came back to his desk. 

Seungkwan was so excited about Jihoon’s promotion he wanted to celebrate it, but Jihoon refused because he was still too busy for any type of celebration yet. The only thing that was on his mind was finally getting in that train that took him home to see his family for his birthday. 

“Going anywhere?” Seungcheol asked him when he saw he was buying tickets on his computer. 

“Home, mom wants to see me for my birthday.

“Oh, right, it’s near, right?” 

“Yep, november. I don’t really like celebrating it but my mom does so… And I won’t see her ‘till christmas so it’s nice to go back home.” 

“I can imagine.” Seungcheol said with a smile and looked down to his computer. 

“You can come,” Jihoon suddenly said, Seungcheol raised his head, surprised. “If you want to.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, it’s usually a lot of family members. My mom and my dad will fight for every little thing and half of my family still doesn’t know I’m gay so I have to pretend I haven’t found a girlfriend yet. The only thing keeping me sane is Vernon and Seungkwan, they always come too. So, you can come, if you want to.” 

“I would love to,” Seungcheol said with a smile. “But…” he continued and Jihoon’s smile faded away. “I can’t really leave right now, I just started so I can’t ask for vacations until christmas and I have to finish this project before I leave. Sorry.” 

“Right, yeah, forgot you got here.” 

“Time goes fast.” 

“Yeah.” Jihoon mumbled before he buried his face in his laptop again, regretting ever telling him he could come. 

He tried to forget about that and he took his well deserved vacations and hopped on the train with Vernon and Seungkwan, finally back home. Neither of their families moved out so their houses were still next to each other and they’d only grown closer with the years. 

It was exactly as he’d expected it. He looked at his parents arguing in the kitchen and downed his drink, immediately looking for another glass of champagne. He just lied to his grandma about still not finding a girlfriend, and when he spotted Seungkwan, finally thinking he could escape all of that, he rolled his eyes when he saw him smiling at Vernon as if he was the love of his life. Vernon only returned that same smile. 

“Yeah, not dealing with that.” he mumbled under his breath and walked into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of wine. 

“Hey baby, how is everything?” his mom asked him with a smile when he entered the kitchen. 

“Great.” he answered with an over exaggerated smile. 

“See? He’s not having fun,” his dad told her.

“It was a joke dad, I’m fine.” 

“Well, I was the one who told you we shouldn’t invite your mom, you know how homophobic she is.” she complained. 

“It’s her grandson!” 

“He should be able to be himself at his own party.” 

“Still, don’t want to tell her I’m gay.” Jihoon said as he poured the glass. 

“And what about your sister? She keeps making comments about him being single.” 

“They’re just comments.” 

“Kind of disrespectful.” Jihoon agreed with his dad. 

“See?!” 

“Listen, I can bring my sister and you can bring your mom. My sister hates you and your mom hates me so it’s fine.” 

“No, it’s not fine, because what about your dad?” he kept complaining, Jihoon nodded along, his grandpa was very conservative. 

“He once told me it was a disease, not very helpful to a young struggling teenager,” he looked at his parents still arguing. “It’s fine, this country is full of homophobes, you don’t have to worry about it.” He frowned at them as they argued about their relatives. “Yeah, so that’s why I’ve decided to just move away. To a country that allows me to get married. I know I said I was okay with not getting married, but I’ve changed my mind,” he waited for a moment before continuing. “I just met this amazing guy, his dick is huge so I think I’m in love with him and we’re going to elope to Paris. I think the stripping business is great over there so we’ll be fine,” he waited for a second, looking at his parents as they still argued, he downed his glass before dropping it on the ground, making it break to pieces. 

“Jihoon! Jesus, are you okay?” his mom asked, concerned. 

“Yeah, sorry, it slipped.” Jihoon mumbled, they both got down to get the broken pieces just when the doorbell rang. “I’ll go get it,” he said before leaving the kitchen and walking over to the door. 

He opened it and was surprised to see Seungcheol on the other side. 

“Hey, you made it.” 

“Yeah, couldn’t miss your birthday after twenty years of missing it.” 

“It is twenty years now, right?” 

“Well, you’re turning twenty-six, so yeah, twenty years.” Jihoon smiled at him as he leaned on the door. 

“I thought you were busy.” 

“I talked to the boss, wasn’t too difficult since he adores me.” 

“Wow, so modest.” Seungcheol shrugged with a smile and rolled his eyes. “You don’t get cold, do you?” 

“Not really.” 

“Great, let’s go.” Jihoon grabbed a jacket that was next to the door and closed it behind him, he was going to get cold, especially since it had snowed all day and there was snow everywhere. 

“Where?” Seungcheol asked with a smile. 

“Come on, you don’t remember the best place to hangout?” Jihoon started walking and crossed the street. “I need to get out of there, it’s too much.” Seungcheol nodded and followed Jihoon, they got to Vernon’s house and Jihoon opened the fence to go sit down on one of the swings, Seungcheol laughed when he saw them. 

“Hey, I remember these.” 

“Yep, had my first kiss in these.” Jihoon said once Seungcheol sat down, Seungcheol looked at him with a frown. 

“I’m pretty sure it was under the stairs.” Jihoon opened his eyes surprised when he heard that. 

“Okay, my first make out was here.” 

“Cool, cool, good to know you don’t consider me your first kiss.” Jihoon laughed and rolled his eyes. 

“Come on, sorry. Obviously you didn’t say me when people asked who was your first kiss.” Seungcheol chuckled. 

“Okay, yeah, I’ll give you that.” 

They stayed in silence for a while before Jihoon finally spoke. 

“So, who was it? Your first… make out, I mean.” Seungcheol looked up and thought about it. 

“Uhm… I was twelve, we were playing spin the bottle…” 

“No, no, spin the bottle doesn’t count because it was probably a girl.” Seungcheol laughed at that. “I mean actually, someone you wanted to kiss.” 

“Someone I actually wanted to kiss… Well, I was fifteen and I kissed one of my friends.” Jihoon looked at him and took a moment before asking something else. 

“Did you know?” he whispered. 

“That I was gay?” Seungcheol asked, moving his head to look at him and resting it on the chain of the swing. “Not until later. I knew… I wasn’t like everyone else. But I wasn’t sure. Actually, it took me a while to figure it out.” Jihoon nodded slowly. “What about you?” 

“Well, I…” he laughed as he remembered. “I had a little thing called depression.” he said with a smile on his face, Seungcheol couldn’t help but chuckle at the way he said it. “So… Uhm, my dad sent me to a therapist, to see what was wrong with me… And I spilled everything,” he took a pause. “I told her about you, I told her about how you left. I also told her about how I hated everybody in my life. Uhm… And a lot of other shit,” he explained slowly and Seungcheol nodded along. “Thankfully she wasn’t homophobic so she treated me well, had my little teenage identity crisis at eight and finally told my parents at nine, when my therapist told me it would be better if I opened up,” he exhaled, his smile gone and the sense of humor he had at the beginning of that story compltely gone. “It still took me three years to tell my friends.” 

Seungcheol looked at the ground and thought about what to say. 

“What about you? When did you have your teenage identity crisis?” Jihoon asked softly.

“Well, thankfully, in my teenage years.” Seungcheol replied, Jihoon smiled at him. “I kissed loads of girls, didn’t feel right because there was a little boy in the back of my mind that I’d kissed when I was six.” Seungcheol took a pause and swallowed. “So then I tried kissing one of my friends one time we were both drunk. And…” he took another pause as he looked at the ground. “Long story short I lost a lot of friends once I finally came out… At eighteen.” Jihoon raised his eyebrows surprised. 

“Damn…” he mumbled. 

“Yeah…” Seungcheol whispered and placed his hands on his lap as he moved a little bit the swing. 

“This sucks.” Jihoon whispered under his breath. He bit his tongue and looked down. “You should’ve stayed.” 

Seungcheol nodded slowly and looked up at Jihoon, who was frowning at the floor. 

“Are you mad?” Seungcheol whispered slowly. 

“Yes, I’m mad, Seungcheol...” Jihoon said as calmly as he could even though he wanted to scream. “And I know it’s not your fault, but I’m allowed to be mad, okay?” Seungcheol nodded, agreeing with him but too afraid to talk. “You-... We weren’t just friends, okay? Seungkwan is my friend, Hansol is my friend. You weren’t. I was six! Kids aren’t supposed to feel that way.” 

“God, Jihoon it’s not like I took your innocence or anything, I was a kid too.” 

“I know! But… You know, people find out about those things later on in life. I was seven and I already knew I didn’t fit in with the other kids.” Seungcheol looked at him, still confused. “What I’m trying to say is… You, you were important to me. Very important. Probably more so than Seungkwan and Hansol. And then you just left… And I know it wasn’t your fault, but you could’ve reached out. Maybe a few years down the line, I didn’t move away, none of us did. You could’ve called, texted, sent a letter, literally anything that wouldn’t make me forget who you are twenty years later.” 

“I’m sorry Jihoon.” 

“We really missed you, not just me. I know you didn’t stay with us for long but we spent so much time together… Even years later, Hansol or Seungkwan would say ‘I wish Seungcheol were here’. We were tight, God, I don’t talk to any of my classmates from high school let alone elementary school but I still talk with Seungkwan and Vernon almost every day. And it could’ve been the same with you, you were supposed to graduate with us, get wasted for the first time, get heartbroken for the first time. Instead, I see you twenty years later and I don’t recognize you.” Jihoon took a pause. “Twenty! And I’m still in my twenties, that’s a lifetime for me!” 

“It’s the same for me.” Seungcheol mumbled. 

“I’m glad it was another kid the same age as me that made me realize, because I’ve been to some support groups and the shit I’ve heard…” he shook his head slowly. “It’s fine to think about what would’ve happened if you stayed, right? Like…” he exhaled. “Maybe I wouldn’t have gone to therapy and we could’ve stayed together, and you could’ve realized sooner and you could’ve had a safe coming out…” he rambled and looked over at Seungcheol, there was a moment of silence before Seungcheol spoke. 

“I hate my dad too, don’t worry.” Jihoon smiled at him when he heard that. 

“Yeah, hating him is alright.” Seungcheol chuckled and looked down. 

“It’s not my fault!” Both of them raised their heads alarmed when they heard that. 

“What?” Jihoon whispered, looking at the street, they could still see it from the swings. 

“I swear to god, you are so dumb!” Seungcheol got up to see better. 

“Jesus, is that Seungkwan and Vernon?” he walked over but Jihoon stopped him. 

“You don’t wanna get between one of their fights.” 

“But…” 

“It’s alright, just wait it out. It’s just bickering.” 

“It doesn’t sound like it.” 

“Seungkwan, I swear to god, what do you want me to do about it?!” Jihoon raised his eyebrows when he heard Vernon scream, he wasn’t usually the one to scream. 

“What the hell…?” Jihoon got up too and saw them standing near Vernon’s house so no one from the party heard them. 

“What? Are you serious?! What are you supposed to do about it?! Maybe, just maybe, you could’ve told me that you liked boys too!” 

“What? Like you told me you were gay years later after Jihoon knew?!” 

“It was just one year!” Seungkwan explained. 

“And how am I supposed to explain to you that?!” 

“You just tell me! ‘Hey Seungkwan, I might be into boys, I thought you should know that since you’re my _best friend_ ’!” 

“Oh right, yeah, let me try. Hey Seungkwan, I _know_ I am into boys too but guess what? Can’t do anything about it because the only boy I like is my best friend and I don’t want to ruin our friendship. So I might just keep it to myself instead of actually coming out for nothing.” 

Seungkwan looked at him for a moment, as if trying to figure out what Vernon just said. 

“What did you just say?” Seungkwan whispered, looking at him with his jaw on the floor, Vernon sighed and rubbed his face. 

“And _that’s_ why I didn’t want to say anything!” He said frustrated as he turned around to walk back to Jihoon’s house, but Seungkwan stopped him before he took a step further, he grabbed his arm and made him turn around, almost bumping into him. 

“You don’t mean Jihoon, right?” 

“What?” Vernon asked, confused. “No, why-...?” 

Before he could finish that sentence Seungkwan grabbed his face and leaned in to kiss him. Even though he was too surprised Vernon closed his eyes and placed his arms around Seungkwan to bring him closer. 

“You are literally so _so_ dumb.” Seungkwan whispered when they parted. 

“Why-...” 

“Shush, no talking.” Seungkwan said as he kissed him again. 

Jihoon smiled with his mouth open, still too surprised about what he witnessed, he turned to look at Seungcheol, who was smiling too with his eyebrows almost at his hairline. 

“Get a room!” Jihoon screamed and Seungcheol tried to stop him immediately but they both heard them and turned to look at Seungcheol and Jihoon. 

“We will, thanks for the suggestion.” Seungkwan told him with a sarcastic smile as he dragged Vernon away to his house, which was probably empty because everyone was at Jihoon’s house.

“I was not expecting that.” Seungcheol said with a smile as he sat down on the swing again. 

“You weren’t? I was.” Seungcheol laughed and nodded. 

“Okay, maybe I did expect it a little bit.” Jihoon leaned back and grabbed the chains to swing forward. 

“Finally, damn, I’ve been waiting for that.” 

“You knew he liked boys, didn’t you?” 

“We made out once in uni, no straight boy kisses like that.” Jihoon told him with a smile which made him chuckle. “But damn, it took a while.” 

“I guess it’s a good example…” Jihoon looked at him confused and placed his feet on the ground so he would stop next to Seungcheol. “It still isn’t too late even after twenty years.” Jihoon smiled at him when he heard that. 

“I guess so.” he shrugged and looked down, trying to suppress a smile. 

He looked up only when he felt a warm hand on his cheek and before he knew it Seungcheol was kissing him. It technically wasn’t their first kiss, but it felt like it. Jihoon gripped the chain and leaned forward, opening his mouth and closing his eyes. Seungcheol’s hand was warm against his cheek, almost as big as his profile, he swiped his thumb on his cheekbone as he leaned forward, kissing him deeper. Jihoon leaned back and only broke the kiss when he felt like he was about to fall off the swing backwards, Seungcheol laughed and grabbed him before he fell. 

“Not very safe.” Jihoon whispered against his lips.

“I mean, we can keep kissing in your house but I don’t think that’s a good decision.” Seungcheol teased. 

“Wow, Seungcheol, I see you’ve never made out with someone on swings. Let me teach you.” 

Jihoon got up and looked at Seungcheol with a smile, Seungcheol looked up at him before Jihoon raised one of his legs and placed it on the space between Seungcheol’s hip and the chain of the swing. He did the same with the other one with Seungcheol’s help, he ended up sitting in his lap, and leaned closer to kiss him again. He placed his hands around Seungcheol’s neck and Seungcheol grabbed the chains so they wouldn’t fall this time. 

“I thought it was two especifically because of this.” Seungcheol whispered against his lips when they parted. 

“Two swings?” Jihoon asked with a smile on his face. “Maybe…”

“We did kiss on these swings once, one in each.” Seungcheol moved his head and licked his lips, no longer feeling the cold weather. 

“Because things come in twos, right? Just like people.” 

“Exactly.” Seungcheol said with a wide smile on his face. 

“Well, I’m glad my ‘two’ is back. It was getting lonely.” Jihoon whispered before he leaned forward and kissed him again deeply, Seungcheol closed his eyes and grabbed him with one hand to kiss him back with the same force. 


End file.
